Tell him the MERS (Middle Earth Revenue Service) sent him a notice that he owes 3,000 years of back payroll taxes.
He has to find the Form 9731 used in each calendar year (by the Elves' reckoning) and fill one out for each minion of Mordor for each year he/she/it was on the payroll, sign them, make copies of all of the signed originals for Mordor's files and mail them, along with payment, to PO Box VALAR-01. By next Monday.
Additionally, he has to fill out the necessary forms for all private contractors (i.e. Shelob, Saruman, the Corsairs of Umbar) for every year they rendered service to the Dark Lord of a worth greater than 100 silver pennies, in triplicate. Page one must be sent to the MERS. By next Monday. Page two must be sent to the contractors themselves and the third page is, of course, for the files of Mordor.
Then he has to compute the estimated local unemployment insurance for Mordor for the upcoming calendar year, make his initial deposit to cover them, and make sure he has enough Form M9731s for all his minions to fill out for the upcoming calendar year (Elves' reckoning).
And he's being audited. Next Monday.
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