Only 10? The mighty Rauros' hunger will not be satisfied! He'll eat us all!
*
sigh* Oh, well. But I
did warn you.
1-2. Elladan and Elrohir. If Bergil is a punk, then these two are the co-Kings of Punkdom. Remember the prank they pulled on Aragorn, the one involving the Paths of the Dead? I even begin to think they're the reason we're in this mess in the first place. Out they go.
3. Denethor. Kransha said it best:
Quote:
|
. . . pyromaniacs and wooden boats don't mix in the nautical profession. (Kransha)
|
4. Balrog # 7. For the same reasons as above. Plus the wings take up too much space.
5. Oliphaunts. No offence, but they
are heavy. Maybe if this was Elendil's boat we could have brought two of the creatures. But no. Not here.
Are they characters, hm?
Well, technically they played a role in the story.
But according to dictionary.com, character, definition 10.a. is:
"A person portrayed in an artistic piece, such as a drama or novel."
But an oliphaunt is not a person.
What then, is a person? It usually refers to a human being. So, orcs, trolls, Bombadils and Gimlis(
) should not be part of the list. But they are. So I'll include the oliphaunts, thank you very much.
Anywhen,
6. Gildor. Hey, he's a good guy. But Inglorion?
Son of Inglor, which was the early name for Finrod, which is
my father? Why, another Kin-Strife might occur. A Kin-Strife in a boat. Do you know how hard it is to clean blood off those hardwood floors?
7. The Dead Men of Dunharrow. Cool party dudes, but they scare the other passengers. Especially with their propensity to rush through ships and just look plain creepy. See? Those Corsairs are cowering in the corner! We need those Corsairs to row, and they won't work paralysed with fear! Deep-six them green slimies!
8-9. Bombur. I need the deck space. Move it!
10. Sauron. This is where I get petty and vindictive. He killed my father, then almost killed my future wife. I'll kill him anyway, so why not throw him overboard, and save me all the trouble?
I should have posted it a long time ago, but for a while, I didn't find a higher version of paint to convert .bmp to .jpg, which I need for this part.
I ask
a certain Barrow-dweller to forgive me for questioning Bergil's punkness (punkicity?), which was revealed to now that it has been displayed in this forum. Look what he did to this poor guy!
He poked him in the eye
and stood him on his head (or at least hung him upside-down.)